Ever, AJ

A Walk in the Pasture

[Quick correction: Typo in my address (on last post), please correct...]

Amanda Maurer

Capernwray Bible School

Carnforth

Lancashire

LA6 1AG

England

One of the beautiful things about Capernwray, is they own 175 acres of land. So the castle is the center of it all. From the castle there is a dirt path that goes down to the creek, sheep pastures, and through two small towns.

Now each student has a specific duty that is either done daily, twice a week, once a week, or whatever. My duty is in the office; answering phone calls, making announcements on the “bing-bong” (louder speaker), running errands, etc. So earlier this week, Thursday, I had duty. While I was on duty, my friends decided to take the walk that I was itching to take that day. So I had decided I would walk the route by myself after I was done. One thing you need to understand, it has been Capri, shorts, and short sleeve weather here for the last three days. Sunshine, sunglasses, and sweat. It actually happens over here, but I keep being told, “Don’t get used to it.” So, I’m trying my best not to, even though it’s been brilliant.

Some important info you need to know: I was wearing khaki capris, ¾ length (stripped, cotton) shirt, sunglasses, and my TOMS. Also important: I had my 20D (old, I know) Canon camera hanging around my neck, and my (Mom’s) Panasonic Lumix camera in my pocket…in case any HD video was necessary.

So I took off for a relaxing stroll down the sunlit path, with Pride and Prejudice theme song playing in my head. There weren’t many people out on the path by this time, because all those crazies that think there’s something enjoyable about running to stay, what’s the word, fit? Most had already done their routine so the place was clear. I have a favorite tree on a hilltop that I was planning on spending some quality time with, but due to the fact that some lass had the gall to sit beneath and read her Bible, I decided, out of kindness I wouldn’t disturb. I pressed on and was quickly realizing that it was a much hotter day than I had originally anticipated. Due to the heat and my lack of water, I decided to take a short cut and shimmy my way through the sheep pasture.

I found the gate and climbed over with ease and grace. Now, if you’ve ever been in a sheep pasture you need to know, watch out for sheep poo. Lucky me, this pasture also had cows. So I had to watch for the little marbles AND massive patties (sorry if that description was too graphic for some). Moving on…I carefully watched my step and was sweetly talking to the sheep as I passed by. I had to talk to them to calm them because of the fact that they are pregnant. We can’t have them running all about when they have babes in their bellies. During my time with the sheep, I did recognize that they are much less cute up close than they are from far away. But that has nothing to do with this story.

I could see the castle in the distance and couldn’t wait to get there to sit under the shade. As I came over the last hill, I saw a straight shot to the castle was not an option like I’d planned. Standing between my home and me was a small barbed wire fence that left no access of escape. The only way out was a gate on the other side of the pasture. Since it was my only option, I started the trek over. On my way, there was one sheep that kept following within 25 feet behind me and she was baa-ing really loud, constantly. When she would baa all the other sheep in front of me would look at her and then at me. It was the creepiest thing…I kept telling the thing to sush up, but it seemed every time I would talk to her she would baa louder. I felt myself slowly pick up my pace just in case this sheep had any strange ideas of taking me on and charging! Just a reminder, I am by myself. I had no one to freak out with so, I will be honest, I was speed walking, watching for poo, and under my breath saying, “Oh my goodness, oh my goodness…get away, get away from me…Lord get me out of this pasture…please don’t let them charge…I can’t breath, I can’t breath.”

Now…I was about 100 steps from freedom, still speed walking (in my TOMS), Canon around my neck, carrying it in my right hand, small camera in right pocket, and all of a sudden…SPLOOSH. Not splash…sploosh because it was so thick. My left foot sank to the bottom of an unnoticeable, unnatural, hidden, pond! The water came half way up my shin, JUST below the rim of my capris. There was no warning, no sign, and it was honestly completely out of nowhere! It didn’t belong there obviously, but you couldn’t see there was any water at all. So naturally, this caused me to end up unbalanced and my momentum took my right foot straight in front of me sinking it to the bottom as well. The bottom was pure sludge mud so I kept getting stuck. I was all by myself screaming, laughing, and crying all at the same time. I couldn’t believe it was happening to me! That was the last thing I needed due to the fact, these are the only shoes I have to wear besides tennis shoes! I can’t wear tennis shoes with classy outfits! There was no way out of this mess (or pasture) without just going through it. I was using as many leg muscles as I had pulling my feet out of the mud sloshing along. I took two steps when I realized…this is not just water. Floating all around me, on my bare skin were sheep turds and massive cow PATTIES OF POOP! So I was screaming and not breathing at the same time trying to run, but I couldn’t because I didn’t want any poop to splash on my pants! After what felt like an eternity, I got to the gate, climbed over and made it to solid gravel road. Now I had the pleasure of walking another half mile up to the castle in poop filled shoes. Every step I took was squishy and I could only imagine what was squeezing between my toes with every step. I passed a good portion of walkers and runners on my way back up, giving each a friendly nod, smile, and, “Hello!” pretending like nothing was wrong at all.

I got back to my home, kicked off my shoes, wiped my feet on the pavement while trying not to look or breath, and picked them up trying to balance them on only two fingernails. I ran into my room (on my tip toes), jumped onto the counter and started washing the poop particles off my feet and legs with soap, five times. Then I had the lovely pleasure of trying to salvage my poor TOMS. I ran boiling water over them for a good ten minutes I suppose. I set them outside because they couldn’t fester in my room overnight. The next day I got laundry detergent and washed them, and only them, immediately in boiling hot water. Dried them for 20 minutes, shrunk them a bit, and set them out in the sun to dry the rest of the way. They no longer smell like poop, only shrunk a bit, are a little bleached from the sun, but basically brand new. They were saved. So I am now in the market for a new pair of shoes that are going to last me the winter. These poor things won’t make it for too much longer. Especially following this tragic event, I feel like I need to apologize to them everyday I slip them on. They had no idea what they were going to go through that day I decided to just take a walk.

Another one of those experiences where the only good thing about it, is the story I got from it. My TOMS are now no longer called, TOMS. They are now called, Amanda’s Poo Shoes. And everyone who knows the story also refers to them in this way.

Poo particles stuck on shoes